#11) Hoodoo Gurus-Magnum Cum Louder
#10) Ciccone Youth-The Whitey Album
#9) Peetie Wheatstraw-The Devil's Son-in-Law (1931-1941)
#8) Various Artists-Rockabilly Psychosis and the Garage Disease
#7) Pussy Galore-Dial 'M' for Motherfucker
#6) R.L. Burnside-A Ass Pocket of Whiskey
#5) The Beasts of Bourbon-The Axeman's Jazz
#4) Velvet Underground-The Psychopath's Rolling Stones
#3) Black Randy and the Metrosquad-Pass the Dust, I Think I'm Bowie
#2) Killdozer-Intellectuals Are the Shoeshine Boys of the Ruling Elite
#1) Peach of Immortality-"Jehovah," My Black Ass--R.E.M. Is Air Supply!
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Punk Paradise Lost
Hilly Kristal died yesterday at the age of 75. This is a sad event, and the loss of probably the most important figure in the punk rock movement. I plan to write a fitting post to celebrate this great figure. So get off my freakin' back!
Respectfully submitted,
Z
Respectfully submitted,
Z
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
When Pigs Fly or "You've got to be crazy..."
Dear Readers,
Today I am sad on two fronts that are related to the same topic. Last night, I witnessed a television atrocity when PBS -- my friend, and yours -- aired Australian Pink Floyd. I know what you're thinking -- Red Man, don't you like Pink Floyd? The answer is yes, but there are a few things you should keep in mind. First, I also used to watch the Facts of Life regularly -- even the episodes with Patty Duke's non-hobbit kid and George Clooney who played the character George (big stretch). The point I'm trying to make is that things change (I now know that Minor Threat could kick the shit out of David Gilmour and that's the way I likes it). Second, I've always been a bit shocked at how The Pink Floyd (nod to R-Lo) used to make records about how much they hated the music industry (e.g. Wish You Were Here, The Wall, Animals), but continue to suck every last dollar out of the system -- at least the Rolling Stones tour (to be fair Roger Waters still tours and has a fairly good supporting band). However, how many bands have a cover band play at the Royal Albert Hall, film it, and get it shown on PBS? Plus, it is an exact ripoff of the original music, and not like Minor Threat beating the shit out of Steppin' Stone by the illustrious Monkeys (Take that Davey Jones!). I guess the laser Floyd revenue wasn't enough, right? The absolute worst part is that they're playing Division Bell material in with the classics. Those songs were so bad that even the Gilmour, Mason, Wright -- the burnout trifecta -- version of the band that toured in 1994 didn't play much of them. I guess they were big hits down under just like that Gwenneth Paltrow/Huey Lewis duet from that movie no one saw and sparked the karaoke revolution.
My suggestion, the Aussies need to stick with what they're good at -- Crocodile Dundee, Dame Edna, Priscilla Queen of the Desert, and Puppetry of the Penis. Since I'm not going to be able to cure PBS's predilection for bad music I have a few concepts that may catch on with their music loving population.
Yuppie Jimi Hendrix
Ameri-Yanni
Jethro Dull - A Kenny G. tribute to Jethro Tull
Pearl Jam
With sincere apologies to Austin City Limits,
-TRM
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Hammer of the Blues
Dear Readers,
I just wanted to post this very cynical video link, and say that Ghost World might be one of the greatest indie films of all time (back when that meant something).
Blues Hammer
Enjoy the authentic music.
Also, check this out for a serious laugh.
No shirt, no service.
-TRM
I just wanted to post this very cynical video link, and say that Ghost World might be one of the greatest indie films of all time (back when that meant something).
Blues Hammer
Enjoy the authentic music.
Also, check this out for a serious laugh.
No shirt, no service.
-TRM
Owen Wilson - A Life Remembered
Dear Readers,
How awesome is this -- the Wikipedia has already published all the undisclosed information regarding Owen Wilson's unconfirmed suicide attempt. Since the details are sparse, I'm going to hazard a guess as to why he tried to take his life -- his brother's performance in My Super Ex-Girlfriend. This might be one of the worst films I've ever indirectly paid for. So I wanted to thank HBO for keeping this one away from Telemundo (dios mio), and proving to me that Ivan Reitman hasn't done anything good since Ghostbusters. Eddie Izzard, what were you thinking?
Back to Owen. The Associated Press is also reporting that this will not hurt his career (too bad since I can't remember a movie I liked him in -- or -- what will Jackie Chan do? -- or what will Ben Stiller do?), which is really helpful in this situation considering he needs to promote his new Wes Anderson film. Perhaps the additional PR will give him a contractual out for doing Conan. Secretly, I'm still hoping he'll play Derek Lowe in the 2004 Red Sox movie.
.
Faithfully yours,
-TRM
"The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters"
Directed by Seth Gordon
USA, 2007
The Red Man and I left our wives at home to go see this last night, a smart move since documentaries about the competitive world of retro arcade gaming are prob. best viewed with a "courtesy seat" left in between all paying customers...an insanely funny look at the quest to establish a new Donkey Kong record, Kong follows the classic Hands on a Hardbody competition-as-morality tale formula but with way more laughs and an even bigger cast of real life nutjobs...calling this the Shoa of American Movie-style retardo docs might be a bit of a stretch even for me, but this thing ought to win some kind of award if only for Roy Shildt's mercurial transformation from unacknowledged ex-Missile Command high scorer into stud alter-ego Mr. Awesome: an auteur specializing in grainy how-to videos dedicated to scoring "a gnarly piece of poontang." A fine treat for nerds and non-gamers alike!
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Ditched at Birth
Dear Readers,
After much soul searching, I have decided to reveal a secret that I have been living with for quite some time. After watching an old classic Star Trek episode long ago, I realized that Billy Corgan, from such bands as The Marked, Zwan, Starchildren, and the Smashing Pumpkins is in fact the fake alien Baylock from the Corbomite Maneuver. I realize this may come as a shock to many of you, but when you think about it this really makes sense. I'm fairly certain that Billy is controlled by a small childlike creature with an overdubbed man voice (preferably played by Clint Howard -- Ron's brother) . So don't fear the Baylock/Corgan creature, embrace it, and have a drink of Tranya. For those of you who have not seen this Star Trek episode -- it's a fucking riot.
-TRM
Monday, August 20, 2007
Swinging TV
Dear Readers,
Whil
e browsing the Times late last week, I found another story that really intrigued me. It appears that the New York International Fringe Festival is currently presenting a play about Hillary Clinton being President. What I love about this particular stage drama is that Hillary is being played by Priscilla Barnes of Three's Company fame. This brings a few things to mind that I'd like to talk a little about.
Before I start I'd like to preemptively state that I fully support women running for President, even though I am not completely happy that Hillary is the Democratic front runner. To be perfectly honest, I'd prefer to see someone other than a Bush or Clinton in the White House. It is definitely a good time for some new ideas, and we don't need another lesson in Monica studies. OK, with that out of the way, I'll get started.
First, my congratulations to Priscilla Barnes. I was absolutely shocked to read that she is currently performing in somewhat serious theater. I honestly expected that if she was still acting
that it would have been in a dinner theater in Boca Raton where they regularly perform an all female version of 1776. You haven't lived until you've seen their John Hancock. The last time I saw Ms. Barnes was in a part was in Kevin Smith's Mallrats, and thought her cameo was great if not unexpectedly revealing as a topless fortune teller. It had a Sharon Stone slumming it kind of feeling, which current cinema could use a lot more of.
In finding out that M
s. Barnes is playing Hillary, I started to wonder (using the associative property in mathematics) who Hillary might have been cast as had she been given a role in Three's Company. My conclusion was that she would be Larry's unseen wife (for the young readers Larry was a swinging guy who had a mostly unbuttoned shirt, plenty of chest hair, and not above the occasional key party). Now, I know what you're thinking, Larry didn't have a wife -- he was too busy trying to score with twin stewardesses, right? Well, it just so happens that (in my mind) he had a bit too much to drink one night at the Regal Beagle, and while trying to put the moves on one of the regulars his eye caught this bookish law student sitting alone. Apparently, she just got into a fight with her ex-boyfriend, a chap named Willie Jeff, and decided to move her studies to the local drinking hole. Larry provided a shoulder to cry on and a few fruity cocktails as well. Needless to say, the charm worked, and they went back to his place to consummate their newly established relationship where he promptly gave her the clap. Or at least that's what she thought she heard while Larry was talking to Jack in the other room. As it turns out they were really talking about how Larry got a clap from Janet when he mistakenly fell on Crissy. Hillary then forced him to marry her, and had it annulled when she discovered that he was romantically involved with Mr. Furley. This was followed by a shot of Mr. Roper (Norman Fell) directly looking into the camera and smiling.
Classic.
Whil
e browsing the Times late last week, I found another story that really intrigued me. It appears that the New York International Fringe Festival is currently presenting a play about Hillary Clinton being President. What I love about this particular stage drama is that Hillary is being played by Priscilla Barnes of Three's Company fame. This brings a few things to mind that I'd like to talk a little about.Before I start I'd like to preemptively state that I fully support women running for President, even though I am not completely happy that Hillary is the Democratic front runner. To be perfectly honest, I'd prefer to see someone other than a Bush or Clinton in the White House. It is definitely a good time for some new ideas, and we don't need another lesson in Monica studies. OK, with that out of the way, I'll get started.
First, my congratulations to Priscilla Barnes. I was absolutely shocked to read that she is currently performing in somewhat serious theater. I honestly expected that if she was still acting
that it would have been in a dinner theater in Boca Raton where they regularly perform an all female version of 1776. You haven't lived until you've seen their John Hancock. The last time I saw Ms. Barnes was in a part was in Kevin Smith's Mallrats, and thought her cameo was great if not unexpectedly revealing as a topless fortune teller. It had a Sharon Stone slumming it kind of feeling, which current cinema could use a lot more of.In finding out that M
s. Barnes is playing Hillary, I started to wonder (using the associative property in mathematics) who Hillary might have been cast as had she been given a role in Three's Company. My conclusion was that she would be Larry's unseen wife (for the young readers Larry was a swinging guy who had a mostly unbuttoned shirt, plenty of chest hair, and not above the occasional key party). Now, I know what you're thinking, Larry didn't have a wife -- he was too busy trying to score with twin stewardesses, right? Well, it just so happens that (in my mind) he had a bit too much to drink one night at the Regal Beagle, and while trying to put the moves on one of the regulars his eye caught this bookish law student sitting alone. Apparently, she just got into a fight with her ex-boyfriend, a chap named Willie Jeff, and decided to move her studies to the local drinking hole. Larry provided a shoulder to cry on and a few fruity cocktails as well. Needless to say, the charm worked, and they went back to his place to consummate their newly established relationship where he promptly gave her the clap. Or at least that's what she thought she heard while Larry was talking to Jack in the other room. As it turns out they were really talking about how Larry got a clap from Janet when he mistakenly fell on Crissy. Hillary then forced him to marry her, and had it annulled when she discovered that he was romantically involved with Mr. Furley. This was followed by a shot of Mr. Roper (Norman Fell) directly looking into the camera and smiling.
Classic.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Three Blues and an Explosion
by R-Lo
Over drinks one night, this otherwise-sensible Buffalonian I know once tried to explain away an embarrassing case of Clapton-worship by suggesting that the only reason I didn’t like the guy was because “you only like traditional blues, R-Lo.” Although that prevent defense of a comment was as easy to score on as playing a game of doubles handball off Vince Vaughn’s enormodome of a forehead, I hereby submit three additional pieces of evidence to prove that Buffalo wings-breath was wrong. Take it away, Maestro!
* T-Model Ford, “Chicken Head Man” (She Ain’t None of Your’n CD, 2000)
T-Model was certainly old, black and from Mississippi when he recorded this paragon of praise to the lowly chicken McNugget, but other than those three stereotypes not even an overly-reverential NPR dj could ever point to anything here that could even faintly be regarded as “traditional.” I actually have absolutely no idea what the guy’s singing about at any point in time on this, but hearing T-Model and his drummer beat this one-chord riff into the ground crackhead-style is way more mesmerizing than mere words can do justice to. Note to racial profilers: makes Eric Clapton sound like a bearded white guy!
* The Gun Club, “Preaching the Blues” (Fire of Love LP, 1981)
The White Stripes used to cover another Gun Club tune off this very same album, but don’t let those overrated Zeppelin-lovers’ one moment of accidental good taste get in the way of your enjoyment of this. A high-octane rewrite of the Robert Johnson song of the same name, this way non-trad slice of slide guitar mayhem pretty much feels up the blues in the same way the Cramps used to fuck up rockabilly. “Fun with trivia” department: Band reportedly once set their monitors on fire at a show through deliberate use of excessive feedback!!
* The Oblivians, “Viet Nam War Blues” (Soul Food CD, 1995)
One of the best songs from one of the best albums from one of the best bands ever. I don’t think I know any Lightnin’ Hopkins fans these days, but I’m sure our friendship would end immediately if they ever heard this monumentally raunchy trashing of the Texas songster’s Tet Offensive-era protest tune. So the next time you hear some Claptonesque poser and want to kill that smooth blues hero of the soccer mom set, don’t fret because the Oblivians have provided 2:37 worth of rock ‘n’ roll napalm for your one-man air war. Sometimes you have to torch a village to save it, etc. Boom!!!
Over drinks one night, this otherwise-sensible Buffalonian I know once tried to explain away an embarrassing case of Clapton-worship by suggesting that the only reason I didn’t like the guy was because “you only like traditional blues, R-Lo.” Although that prevent defense of a comment was as easy to score on as playing a game of doubles handball off Vince Vaughn’s enormodome of a forehead, I hereby submit three additional pieces of evidence to prove that Buffalo wings-breath was wrong. Take it away, Maestro!
* T-Model Ford, “Chicken Head Man” (She Ain’t None of Your’n CD, 2000)
T-Model was certainly old, black and from Mississippi when he recorded this paragon of praise to the lowly chicken McNugget, but other than those three stereotypes not even an overly-reverential NPR dj could ever point to anything here that could even faintly be regarded as “traditional.” I actually have absolutely no idea what the guy’s singing about at any point in time on this, but hearing T-Model and his drummer beat this one-chord riff into the ground crackhead-style is way more mesmerizing than mere words can do justice to. Note to racial profilers: makes Eric Clapton sound like a bearded white guy!
* The Gun Club, “Preaching the Blues” (Fire of Love LP, 1981)
The White Stripes used to cover another Gun Club tune off this very same album, but don’t let those overrated Zeppelin-lovers’ one moment of accidental good taste get in the way of your enjoyment of this. A high-octane rewrite of the Robert Johnson song of the same name, this way non-trad slice of slide guitar mayhem pretty much feels up the blues in the same way the Cramps used to fuck up rockabilly. “Fun with trivia” department: Band reportedly once set their monitors on fire at a show through deliberate use of excessive feedback!!
* The Oblivians, “Viet Nam War Blues” (Soul Food CD, 1995)
One of the best songs from one of the best albums from one of the best bands ever. I don’t think I know any Lightnin’ Hopkins fans these days, but I’m sure our friendship would end immediately if they ever heard this monumentally raunchy trashing of the Texas songster’s Tet Offensive-era protest tune. So the next time you hear some Claptonesque poser and want to kill that smooth blues hero of the soccer mom set, don’t fret because the Oblivians have provided 2:37 worth of rock ‘n’ roll napalm for your one-man air war. Sometimes you have to torch a village to save it, etc. Boom!!!
30 Years and Countless Tears
It was 30 years ago today that the news came down from a small Memphis radio station, The King is Dead...
That was August 16, 1977. I was about to turn 8 years old. But, I was old enough to understand that we lost a legend and a treasure. When my neighbor Mrs. Judy was in tears for three days, I understood. When the news spoke of nothing else for a week, I understood. And when I, as an 8 year old felt as if I had lost a grandfather, everyone around me understood.
If you are laughing now, I expected it. But consider this, without even metioning his name yet, you already know who I am talking about.
Elvis changed the world for all of us. If you are a fan of popular music, you owe a debt of gratitude to Elvis. Yes, since his death there have been an increasing magnitude of jokes and jabs aimed at the King. Admittedly, this is in no small part due to his own doing and the charactor he created in his final years. But you all know that the King that died on the thrown that day, as fat and flawed as he was, still had inside him the greatness that changed the world.
If you still don't beleive that Elvis was the most important entertainer of the last Century, take this little quiz. Without the aid of that interweb thing, tell me the date any of the following died:
Frank Sinatra
Ray Charles
James Brown (many of you may have known this one, but afterall, it was Christmas Day, and it was just last year.)
Marilyn Monroe
Louis Armstrong
Count Bassie
Johnny Carson
even, John Lennon...
Hmm...
AMC, TCM, CMT, Spike and every major network news broadcast will have a tribute today, as they have every August 16th since 1978. Who else does this happen for?
Forget about the jumpsuits, the peanut butter and banana sandwiches, and Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love, and listen to the compilation "Elvis at Sun". You will thank me, and you will miss Elvis too.
Respectfully submitted,
Z
PS - Don't Piss me off!!
That was August 16, 1977. I was about to turn 8 years old. But, I was old enough to understand that we lost a legend and a treasure. When my neighbor Mrs. Judy was in tears for three days, I understood. When the news spoke of nothing else for a week, I understood. And when I, as an 8 year old felt as if I had lost a grandfather, everyone around me understood.
If you are laughing now, I expected it. But consider this, without even metioning his name yet, you already know who I am talking about.
Elvis changed the world for all of us. If you are a fan of popular music, you owe a debt of gratitude to Elvis. Yes, since his death there have been an increasing magnitude of jokes and jabs aimed at the King. Admittedly, this is in no small part due to his own doing and the charactor he created in his final years. But you all know that the King that died on the thrown that day, as fat and flawed as he was, still had inside him the greatness that changed the world.
If you still don't beleive that Elvis was the most important entertainer of the last Century, take this little quiz. Without the aid of that interweb thing, tell me the date any of the following died:
Frank Sinatra
Ray Charles
James Brown (many of you may have known this one, but afterall, it was Christmas Day, and it was just last year.)
Marilyn Monroe
Louis Armstrong
Count Bassie
Johnny Carson
even, John Lennon...
Hmm...
AMC, TCM, CMT, Spike and every major network news broadcast will have a tribute today, as they have every August 16th since 1978. Who else does this happen for?
Forget about the jumpsuits, the peanut butter and banana sandwiches, and Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love, and listen to the compilation "Elvis at Sun". You will thank me, and you will miss Elvis too.
Respectfully submitted,
Z
PS - Don't Piss me off!!
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Intelligent Design? or Hey, Hey, We're the Monkeys.
Dear Readers,
I recently read online that the Cavemen TV show that is set to premiere on ABC shortly is causing quite a bit of controversy. You know the commercials, well now those clueless cromagnons from Geico now have a half hour sitcom. Apparently, there are quite a few people out there who think the concept comes across as racist and not just unfunny (as expected).
Now, I'm not writing about this because of network insensitivity towards minorities (in this instance it is a stretch to say the least -- unless Imus is the first guest star), but rather because I am shocked that a network would purchase the rights of an advertising concept to create a show -- granted, the Monkees were pretty fucking close (even Mike Nesmith knew that). So, I have decided to suggest a few other shows based on advertisements.
Tony The Tiger from Frosted Flakes - Tony "The Tiger" Thompson is a former teacher who becomes a Miami drug dealer, gets busted, and has to teach English to juvenile delinquents as part of his plea bargain. The title: Alliteration Nation - Tony the Tiger Totally Tries to Teach Teenagers to Traverse Tumultuous Travails.
Toucan Sam from Froot Loops - "Toucan" Samuel Diego is a Panamanian drug lord competing with other crime syndicates to be the largest supplier of Cocaine in North America. The show will be called Subbacultcha based loosely on the Pixies song.
The Pillsbury Doughboy - Everyone's favorite raw chef will star in either a genre splice where he is a vampire detective named John "Crescent" Roll who only fights crime at night due to his obvious albino-like skin condition entitled Bad Crescent Rising, or as an up and coming porn actor named John Dough tentatively called Glaze or potentially the more subversive Hot Cross Buns.
Joe Camel - Will play an out of work actor willing to do anything to make it as a sugar cereal spokesman. The show will be produced by HBO and is titled 53rd & 3rd named after Deedee Ramone's autobiographical song. Unfortunately, Deedee's rap song was the only tune available for the soundtrack. Lindsey Lohan is attached to be the sidekick. For a laugh, click on the Dee Dee Rap.
-TRM
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Separated at Birth?
Dear Readers,
After watching the Devil and Daniel Johnston, I have decided to suggest the casting for Hollywood's take on the documentary. For the young Daniel, I think Sam Rockwell would kick ass. Granted, the picture I supplied of Rockwell is a little "too cool for school," but I believe his performance as Chuck Barris in Confessions of a Dangerous Mind will convince you. As for the older Johnston who was institutionalized many times over the years, I'd like to suggest Jon Lovitz. I admit, this one is a little out there, but trust me! If I'm not convincing you with the photos, just turn on his small cameo in the Wedding Singer. If you are unsure of who Daniel Johnston is, you can check out www.hihowareyou.com. His famous Casper the Ghost song lyrics will be posted in the next section. Rock On!
A Young Johnston and Sam Rockwell
An older Johnston and Jon Lovitz
After watching the Devil and Daniel Johnston, I have decided to suggest the casting for Hollywood's take on the documentary. For the young Daniel, I think Sam Rockwell would kick ass. Granted, the picture I supplied of Rockwell is a little "too cool for school," but I believe his performance as Chuck Barris in Confessions of a Dangerous Mind will convince you. As for the older Johnston who was institutionalized many times over the years, I'd like to suggest Jon Lovitz. I admit, this one is a little out there, but trust me! If I'm not convincing you with the photos, just turn on his small cameo in the Wedding Singer. If you are unsure of who Daniel Johnston is, you can check out www.hihowareyou.com. His famous Casper the Ghost song lyrics will be posted in the next section. Rock On!
A Young Johnston and Sam Rockwell
An older Johnston and Jon Lovitz
Foreign Classic
Also, saw Sansho last night (how unlike me on a weeknight). Thought the
film was solid. What's with the Japanese and their obsession with moral
tales? Man, they're really down on the whole bandit, slavery, and
whorehouse genre (AKA the degenerate trifecta).
Introducing -- R-Lo
I saw "The History Boys" last night (mistake), which was like a bad, Brit version of "Dead Poets Society" crossed w/"Brokeback Mountain." I don't know when teachers groping students at school became funny, but I guess that's what happens when you live on an island that thinks Benny Hill is a comedy genius.
(As told by R-Lo)
(As told by R-Lo)
Hello Cleveland!
Welcome to the all new Intravenus de Milo web site - formally known as Intravenous de Milo and shitsandwich-enormodome.com. This blog is meant to be an outlet for various authors and random contributors to discuss movies, music, politics, and random grievances.
Feel free to make comments.
-TRM
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
