Don Cheadle SuperstarWhile spending time with the folks out in California recently, the Argentinean hottie and I "went native" in between doing the usual touristy things like visiting Santa Barbara, scarfing down on enormous quantities of quality Mexican food, enjoying sunshine in December, etc. Yes, friends, we participated in my parents' custom of watching one movie each night from my dad's ginormous collection of good, bad and ugly DVDs (mostly purchased new at Costco and used at Hollywood Video for anyone wondering where he finds the damn things). In honor of my dad's unusual but cinematically ambitious retirement regimen, here is a one-line review of each movie in the order in which I think we watched them. Since only one of us needs to suffer for my art, feel free to walk out at any point during this exercise as my mom often does when subjected to a particularly unwise video purchase.
Blades of Glory: This was actually funnier than I would have thought, but it's not easy being the son of the world's biggest Will Ferrell fan.
Balls of Fury: The lovely Maggie Q aside, this ping-pong crime caper (you read that right) might have been even worse than the dreaded Kung Fu Hustle if such a thing is humanly possible.
Respiro: One of the few films I actually got to pick to watch, this wrenching Italian drama about a bipolar mom and her beautiful Mediterranean island was still way less depressing than thinking about having to sit through Balls of Fury again.
Elf: Acting-wise this is probably Ferrell's Truman Show-style breakthrough, but an extremely weird supporting cast (Ed Asner, James Caan, Zoey Deschanel, Mary Steenburgen) isn't likely to put anyone in the Christmas spirit in this subpar Big wannabe.
Kinky Boots: My folks couldn't believe that Chiwetl Ejiofor's arch drag queen Lola was played by the same guy who played that longsuffering Nigerian doctor in Dirty Pretty Things, and neither will you when he/she goes Nancy Sinatra on you in this quirky British comedy about a woman and her boots!
My Family: Although this Mexican-American family saga/melodrama is veritably stocked with Puerto Rican ringers in the acting department (an anti-Chicano bait and switch), J-Lo isn't bad at all and Jimmy Smits is actually superb.
Knocked Up: I still think the shot of the guy getting high in a gas mask is the movie's funniest bit, but you didn't ask me that, did you, pink-eye sufferer?
The Bourne Ultimatum: Forced to watch this high-energy but totally preposterous star vehicle for Matt Damon again, I'm convinced that Albert Finney deserves Worst Actor of the Year honors for his turns in this and that dreadful Sidney Lumet movie that everybody totally loves except for Mr. and Mrs. the Red Man and me.
Madeinusa: Great Peruvian import with an unexpected film noir script detour sparked my dad to jokingly complain that I always pick "bad movies that depress us for a week" and then to say that he liked the movie a lot--all within a span of five minutes!
Talk to Me: Look at Don Cheadle above, and tell me you don't want to see him as the truth-talkin'/pimp-walkin'/ex-con Washington DC dj in this underlooked 2007 release.
The World's Fastest Indian: I had to be talked into viewing this after seeing one too many previews of Anthony Hopkins taking care of his unclipped toenails with a heavy duty sanding buffer, but it turned out to be a half-decent road movie about a Kiwi and his motorcycle and some salt flats in Utah.
Transamerica: Had heard that Felicity Huffman was awesome in this but that the movie was only so-so, but I was pleasantly surprised to find out that the second road movie in a row and the last in our mini-festival was better than I would have anticipated. That's a wrap!
