Who's Better? Red Man Or Dane Cook?

We've all posted blogs making arguments about the relevancy of various people. In all cases people have been wrong (other than the one about Orny Adams).

So let's take it to another level. Who is better? Comic Dane Cook or beloved friend Red Man? Let's weigh some facts and draw conclusions.

Issue #1: Who has the stones to allow his picture to be posted on this blog? Cook has no problem having his photo on here as you can tell. The Red Man? He "asked" (verbally threatened) the Doctor to remove his picture from an earlier rant because he feared non-stop paparazzi coverage. This one goes to Dane.

Issue #2: Dane has been called a, "comedian phenom and icon" by the rag "Entertainment Weekly." Red Man has been called an asshole by thousands of drivers from Boston to Long Island due to his penchant for weaving in traffic and liberally using his horn.

That one goes to Red.

Issue #3: Dane Cook has starred in a movie with Jessica Simpson that grossed $35 at the box office. Red Man stars with his wife in a real life drama, "The Life And Times Of Jews in Waltham."

Red Man gets this one, but only because his wife being a cool gal.

Issue #4: During high school, Dane worked at a Burger King. During college, Red Man worked at the BU Law Library.

Dane wins this round, a Whopper trumps tax law any day of the week and twice on Sundays.

Issue #5: Dane Cook is the only comic to sell out MSG in NY four times. Red Man was interviewed outside of MSG in 1996, as New Jersey station WWOR sought his reaction to the firing of Don Nelson as Knicks Head Coach.

This one's a draw, both guys are obviously well known through the greater New York area.

Issue #6: On January 1, 2008, Cook broke a Laugh Factory record by performing for seven hours at the LA club (although only the first 10 minutes were actually considered funny). During college, the Red Man earned a reputation of sleeping for 12 hours in a row (after going to sleep at 3am).

A tip of the cap to Red here, not everyone can do what he did while a lot of people can be funny for 10 minutes and stand around for another 410 minutes not making anyone laugh.

Issue #7: Dane Cook took $25,000 out of his personal savings to launch his own website so he can "connect with his fans" or to put it another way, get them to buy whatever crummy album or video he's selling. Red Man invested no money and very little time to put up this blog so his sarcastic buddies can weigh in on a myriad of subjects.

Red wins this round, and it wasn't even close.

Issue #8: Cook uses a lot of observational humor in his act, which as many of you know, has never been done before (Jerry Seinfeld tried and failed miserably). Red Man uses sarcasm and the occasional bitterness to make others laugh.

Advantage to Dane for trying something new.

Issue #9: In 2005, Cook started his own company called "Superfinger Entertainment" to produce his albums and videos. Red Man will often provide "middle finger" entertainment to those he doesn't like.

This one's even too. Neither one really does anything out of the ordinary here.

Issue #10 (and this is a biggie): Cook has been accused of plagiarism, and he has allegedly stolen material from an all-star lineup of hilarious comics like Joe Roggin, Louis C.K., and Emo Philips. In fact, Louis C.K. went so far as to say the following: "Fuck Dane Cook, he's a cunt." Nobody has ever accused Red Man of stealing anything, although his passion for the "comedy" of David Cross does raise a few red flags over whether Red really knows what funny is. But he's never stolen anything from Cross (thankfully) or anyone else, so he wins this round.

The conclusion: Red Man is a better choice overall than Dane Cook but it was a bit closer than we thought it would be. But close or not, Red Man is the winner....but keep an eye in that rear-view mirror. Dane isn't far behind.