I don't know how The Red Man is going to explain this...but it recently came across the good Doctor's desk that Red's hero has sold out and was in a lavishly budgeted, poorly conceived, horrifically acted-in movie recently.
That's right! Red Man's idol, one David Cross, was in the "Alvin and the Chipmunks" movie which also starred my name is Jason Lee. I guess the "Mr. Show" residual checks were lost in the mail and Cross needed a few bucks.
In the Valley of Elah (2008 DVD) Directed by Paul Haggis USA, 2007
In the Valley of Elah is way less crappy than Crash was, perhaps because the acting "talents" of Sandra Bullock and Brendan Fraser weren't available for this film. While leads Tommy Lee Jones and Charlize Theron struggle valiantly to rise above the pitfalls in the script, in the end their performances are mostly wasted since the second half of the movie turns into a pedestrian murder mystery as lame and superficial as one of Dr. Demented's TV posts. I'm guessing that many of you already know that "war can fuck with your head," but those who don't can step right up to have that point hammered into your heads with Spielbergian insistency from a director who honed his writing chops on such quality fare as Walker, Texas Ranger and The Facts of Life. Look it up, I shit you not. IVDM plot keywords: Male Chauvinism, Spielbergian Mallet, Stripper, Tom Cruise & Demi Moore & Jack Nicholson Movies, Two Upside Down American Flags, Not Good.
As much as I love VH, this one was a real head scratcher. I think this video, more than cancer was the reason why Roy is now taking a dirt nap.
Check out this description of the video from "Sounds" magazine from 1982:
The music video for "(Oh) Pretty Woman was one of the first banned by MTV although VH1 has consistently aired it in recent years. In 1982, Dave explained the ban as the result of complaints that it made fun of "an almost theological figure" the Samurai warrior (Mike Anthony in the video) and also because two midgets appeared to molest a woman (actually a man in drag). The video, directed by Roth, was, he said: "rather like a surrealistic art project ... where they paint the picture and come back three days later and try to figure out what they meant." The track "Intruder" on the album, which precedes "(Oh) Pretty Woman", was written specifically in order that there would be enough music to cover the length of the film that was edited down for the "(Oh) Pretty Woman" video. In his 1982 interview with Sylvie Simmons, Dave takes credit for "Intruder", stating: "I wrote that ... When we finished the movie (i.e., the video) it was about three minutes too long. So, I said, we won't cut any of it; we'll write soundtrack music for the beginning. So we went into the studio and I played the synthesizer and I wrote it. It took about an hour to put that together."
Good to see The Red Man dust off his sarcastic wit and post something that he considered a "pre-emptive" strike towards me, your fearless Doctor. In the words of the philosopher Lee Corso (seen during the Fall on ESPN's College Game Day), "Not so fast my friend." I don't think Red will see this blog post coming. Heck, until ten minutes ago, neither did I.
I was perusing through a couple of TV show websites this weekend, and saw a picture that quickly reminded me of TRM, and once I read a few things about this particular person, I realized that there are some striking similarities between him and Red.
And so...allow me to introduce...the closest thing to seeing The Red Man on TV.... Donny Most!
The similarities extend beyond the red mop everyone. Let me know what you think and you tell me if I'm way off base in thinking that these two are joined at the comedic hip.
Donny (or Don as he prefers these days) was a supporting character on a successful 70's TV show. Red Man is a supporting writer on a successful blog.
Most was born in the Flatbush section of New York City. Red Man was born on the mean streets of Jericho, Long Island.
Most has the TV movie "The Jolson Story" memorized and has credited that movie for sparking the acting bug that existed within him. Red Man has every line of the Dell computer catalog memorized, and has said repeatedly that it encouraged him to go into computers (well that, and he figured he'd get a discount on the latest EA Sports games).
Most graduated from the same high school that Barbra Streisand and Eli Wallach did. Red Man graduated from the same high school that Sam Wolf and "His Buddy Dave From Long Island" graduated from.
Most appeared on an episode of "Family Guy" and on "Star Trek" which are Red Man's favorite shows.
Both guys are male, Jewish, and straight.
To put this in proper perspective, if Z is the Fonz (all about the sideburns), R-Lo is Potsie , and I'm Richie, then it only makes sense that the Red Man be the wise-cracking buddy, Ralph Malph. In fact, "TRM" could now stand for, "The Ralph Malph." Something to ponder.
Here's a old commercial with Robby Benson and TRM, pimping Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
I can honestly say that I feel sad for anyone that idolizes the punishment that is known as 80's TV. While I'd like to directly respond to my friend the Doctor's assertion that Sledge Hammer and Miami Vice were quality TV shows, I have instead decided that I will do my fan base a favor and quickly cover all his upcoming posts in an effort to thwart his master plan of franchising vomitoriums tentatively named Up-Bucks (editor's note: Dictionary.com actually said I'm using this inaccurately -- but you get the picture). So, without further fanfare I give you The Red Man's predictions for the Doctor's upcoming TV posts:
1. Double Trouble - 1984 series that lasted 16 episodes about twin sisters. These cuties were straight out of a Doublemint gum commercial, and right into R-Lo's wheelhouse (oddly enough they were little too old for Z). The Doctor's take on this one -- great show that would have gotten him through puberty had it lasted just a few more episodes.
2. Jennifer Slept Here -This show briefly ran from 1983 to 1984, and was about a house that a dead woman's ghost inhabited. Supposedly inspired by the film Poltergeist, this awful sitcom actually cracked the top 20 -- you gotta love Reaganomics and Oingo Boingo. The Doctor'll sell you on how inventive the plot was, and the inspired casting of Ann Jillian.
3. Golden Girls - Best remembered for the Doctor's first love -- Rue McClanahan. Be happy I spared you from Bea Arthur.
4. Facts of Life - Technically started in 1979, most will remember this important series as an 80's show. While it launched Clooney's career towards the end (you doubt my veracity?), the Doctor best remembers it for his second love -- Nancy McKeon as Jo.
5. The Love Boat - The Doctor's favorite bedtime soap opera. "I wonder what hijinks Gopher will get into tonight!"
Well, that's about it for this post. I'm sure I've sickened you faster than free Arby's at an Orny show. Other 80's shows that didn't make the cut but might be the subject of future posts are Mama's Family, The Land of the Lost, and the TV movie Ernest Goes to Borgnine. I didn't want you to think I might have missed something.
As we continue running down the path of relevancy, we explore an 80's TV show that was gone way too quickly.
Of course we're talking about the ABC series, "Sledge Hammer!"
The show only lasted 41 episodes from 1986-1988, but it came at a time when America needed a good laugh. The last time the country could all find one thing that was so funny was in 1984, when Walter Mondale ran for President. So the timing of this show couldn't have been better.
In case you forgot (and if you did you should be ashamed of yourself), the show starred David Rasche as Inspector Sledge Hammer, a ridiculous caricature of the "cop on the edge" character.
Sledge Hammer works for the San Francisco Police Department and is a violent and insensitive cop whose best friend is a gun with a customized grip featuring the drawing of a sledge hammer. Hammer sleeps and showers with his gun and even talks to it. Hammer believes in firing first and asking questions later. His defining moment is in the pilot episode, when he blows up an entire building in order to deal with a sniper on the roof (see the clip below).
Here are some quick points that need to be made here that drive home the point that Sledge is one of the greatest comedic characters to grace the small screen:
Hammer drove a beat-up, lime green Dodge St. Regis with a bumper sticker that read: "I Love Violence." His outfits consisted of cheap sport jackets, loud ties, and sunglasses. He made tons of hilarious anti-marriage jokes at the expense of his ex-wife. Everybody loves ex-wife jokes. His boss once saved his life by giving him an antidote after Sledge was bitten by a snake. Sledge asked his boss how he could repay the favor of saving his life and his boss said, "Don't take it." Sledge is patriotic and xenophobic, he loves war and is a registered Republican. He blames gun control, rock music, and feminism for many of the world's ills.
All shows are out on DVD, and it's worth a viewing.
Let's bring this blog back to the mainstream (in other words, things most people have heard of) and talk about one of the greatest characters in the history of American television, and why he should be revered, respected, and emulated by people worldwide in order to make the Earth a better place to live.
James "Sonny" Crockett was an undercover vice cop, patrolling the streets of Miami with his loyal partner in search of drug traffickers and hookers whose only goals were to make money and make our society a worse place to live in. Sonny was an all-American wide receiver for the University of Florida where he ran a 92-yard TD in the final seconds of a game before transferring to what he called the "Southeast Asia Conference." Yep, Sonny was a war hero (he served two tours) as well as superior athlete. Combine that with a cool name, James Crockett with a nickname of "Sonny" and you have a guy who immediately makes you think of the word, "cool."
Sonny had a fashion sense that defined a generation. Sporting a t-shirt, Italian sport jacket, white linen pants, and sock-less loafers, this became the look to have. Combine a pair of Ray Ban sunglasses and a hot Ferrari with a shiny gold badge, and yeah, you have a true American hero, who defined the word "bad-ass."
With a great man comes great friends, and in this case that man was Ricardo "Rico" Tubbs, who patrolled Miami with Sonny in a pair of Ferraris, one a Daytona Spider and later a Testarossa. Crockett and Tubbs teamed up in the pilot episode to chase down Calderone who had killed Rico's brother. At the conclusion of the show, Crockett asked Tubbs if he had ever considered a career in "Southern law enforcement." A great partnership was born.
Obviously a guy with these credentials had no troubles getting laid. The show started with Sonny banging fellow cop Gina Calabrese (played by Saundra Santiago) before he moved on to other conquests. Most notably, he was married to Sheena Easton before she was gunned down in the show, Julia Roberts was his main squeeze in the final season, and he was with Helena Bonham Carter for quite some time until she turned to drugs (which led her into the arms of Tim Burton). Sonny lived on a big boat in the marina with his pet alligator Elvis. Could you ask for better home protection than that?
How did it all end? Sonny walked away from his low-paying, non-appreciated job when politics yet again interfered with his ability to get the job done (wouldn't we all want to do this?). He took the car and moved down to the Florida Keys where he could spend the remainder of his days drinking "black jack," fishing, and banging hot women. What a gig.
And he had his own theme song...check it out below.
John Lennon might've been the dirtiest hippie there ever was outside of the Grateful Dead's fatassed inner circle and maybe Pearl Jam roadies, but even he knew greatness when he heard it, covering two or three Arthur Alexander songs during his tenure in that undeservedly famous boy band of his from Liverpool. The Alabaman Alexander (1940-1993) is sometimes said to have been the only songwriter ever covered by the Beatles, the Stones, Bob Dylan and Elvis, but I wouldn't blame the guy too much for that since you can already hear the actual suffering in his voice. Anyway, as a sort of a sonic palate-cleanser for anyone out there still smarting from the Red Man's last burnout-laden post, here is reason # infinity why soul used to be called soulful: the magnificent "Soldier of Love." Enjoy.
That's right! Red Man's idol, one David Cross, was in the "Alvin and the Chipmunks" movie which also starred my name is Jason Lee. I guess the "Mr. Show" residual checks were lost in the mail and Cross needed a few bucks.
In the Valley of Elah (2008 DVD)
ost graduated from the same high school that Barbra Streisand and Eli Wallach did. Red Man graduated from the same high school that Sam Wolf and "His Buddy Dave From Long Island" graduated from.
1. Double Trouble - 1984 series that lasted 16 episodes about twin sisters. These cuties were straight out of a Doublemint gum commercial, and right into R-Lo's wheelhouse (oddly enough they were little too old for Z). The Doctor's take on this one -- great show that would have gotten him through puberty had it lasted just a few more episodes.
4. Facts of Life - Technically started in 1979, most will remember this important series as an 80's show. While it launched Clooney's career towards the end (you doubt my veracity?), the Doctor best remembers it for his second love -- Nancy McKeon as Jo.
and in this case that man was Ricardo "Rico" Tubbs, who patrolled Miami with Sonny in a pair of Ferraris, one a Daytona Spider and later a Testarossa. Crockett and Tubbs teamed up in the pilot episode to chase down Calderone who had killed Rico's brother. At the conclusion of the show, Crockett asked Tubbs if he had ever considered a career in "Southern law enforcement." A great partnership was born.
John Lennon might've been the dirtiest hippie there ever was outside of the Grateful Dead's fatassed inner circle and maybe Pearl Jam roadies, but even he knew greatness when he heard it, covering two or three Arthur Alexander songs during his tenure in that undeservedly famous boy band of his from Liverpool. The Alabaman Alexander (1940-1993) is sometimes said to have been the only songwriter ever covered by the Beatles, the Stones, Bob Dylan and Elvis, but I wouldn't blame the guy too much for that since you can already hear the actual suffering in his voice. Anyway, as a sort of a sonic palate-cleanser for anyone out there still smarting from the Red Man's last burnout-laden post, here is reason # infinity why soul used to be called soulful: the magnificent "Soldier of Love." Enjoy.
