The Short and the Short of It

Dear Readers,

It has come to my attention that fake youngster and real life security guard, Gary Coleman, is looking to settle his marital woes on TV's Divorce Court. So, this poses an important question -- Divorce Court is still on TV? I guess the Coleman's were saving this little nugget for sweeps, which led seemingly normal columnists from Salt Lake City to brand this marriage a sham. As if they've never seen any abhorrent marital practices out there before. That's a little screwy, eh? Even more outrageous, Coleman still claims he's a virgin -- as if that's not the oldest trick in the book. Nothing beats a pity lay, right Gary?

My suggestion GC-- start hanging with Michael Jackson. You were meant for each other.

-TRM

Strat-O-Magic: Who's The Real Pitcher

Dear Readers,

That's right, the original Red Man is back from retirement to put DD in his proverbial place by throwing strikes with the biggest cock pitcher known to man. The sheer volume of liquid this jug holds puts all artificially enhanced bimbos to shame. You should have known better than to post like you're leaning into a pitch and instead ask for a demotion to little league because this hurler owns you.

-TRM

*Photo courtesy of the Maltese-esque high school crime drama Brick, which earned an R-Lo "super-good" rating back in 2006.

Two Pitchers of Milk, Please!

I'm not a religious man, but Jesus Christ, Praise be Allah and Baruch Atah Adonai!

This woman's name is Sheyla Hershey, and she's a 28-year-old MILF who lives near Houston, Texas (proving that many things are indeed, bigger in Texas). She's in the Brazilian Guinness Book of World Records thanks to her pair of 34 FFF funbags that are...hard to not notice.

She has two quarts of silicone in each breast, or 1,000 cc's for you medical types out there.

“I want to look better each day, every day,” the 28-year-old model said. “Everybody’s got a dream inside, you know? And, it’s good when you can make your dream come true.”

Hershey said she would like her breasts to be even bigger, but the state of Texas limits the amount of silicone that can be put into each breast. And so it seems that eight surgeries won't be enough for her.

And so we here at the Intravenus de Milo blog say, "Go for it Sheyla! Don't let anyone get in the way of your dreams. Because if they do, just shake those cans in their face and they'll bounce right out of your path."

Happy motorboating everyone!

Happy Anniversary, Lee Elia!

This past Tuesday marked the 25th anniversary of one of the greatest, expletive-laden rants in the history of sports.

On April 29th, 1983 the Chicago Cubs lost their 14th game of the season, to go with only five wins. Their manager, Lee Elia, blew his stack to post-game reporters.



Here's another great rant by former Indianapolis Colts coach Jim Mora, who was relieved of his coaching duties not long after he uncorked this gem.



And former Arizona Cardinals head coach Dennis Green says that the Chicago Bears are who they thought they were.