Family Guy Hall of Fame

Mcconaughey! Need I say more?

-TRM

The Most Dangerous Game

The Most Dangerous Game (1999 DVD)
Directed by Ernest B. Schoedsack and Irving Pichel
USA, 1932
In English

I hadn't seen this movie since I was a kid, but I became super interested in seeing it again after it was mentioned a couple of times in David Fincher's riveting 2007 true crime epic Zodiac. Oft considered something of a dress rehearsal for King Kong both because of the people involved and its use of that cool Kong set, The Most Dangerous Game takes a genuinely creepy idea--man hunting man for sport--from Richard Connell's prize-winning short story, throws in some creaky anthropological observations about civilization and savages, and then milks the subject for all the entertainment value it's worth. Joel McCrea is OK in his starring role as American sportsman-turned-survivalist Bob Rainsford and Fay Wray is sufficiently swoon-worthy as the damsel in distress/jungle eye candy Eve Trowbridge, but it's Leslie Banks' crazy Count Zaroff who gets all the juicy lines and close-ups in this game of island bloodsport he memorably equates with a round of "outdoor chess." To my surprise, the film provides way more of an adrenaline rush than I'd ever remembered: a lean 63 minutes of thrills and adventure that'll make you pity anybody who's ever had to suffer through a Lucas or Spielberg movie at nearly twice that length. But I digress. (http://www.criterion.com/)

A rarely-seen still in which R-Lo comforts Fay Wray and hopes his wife doesn't find out about it!

Sick and Twisted's Best

Dear Readers,

If you've never seen these two videos of Don Hertzfeldt's classic animation shorts, you can thank me for posting them here today. I have a feeling that those of you who have seen these will be thanking me for adding them to the site as well.

Enjoy!

-TRM

You Sucked Mr. Peabody's Cock-Pitcher?

Dear Doctor,

It doesn't take a professional reading your rorschach test results to figure out what you'd like for your birthday. Too bad it isn't legal in this country, and you're too much of a xenophobe to venture outside. Amazingly, I could probably recommend a few David Lynch films to satisfy your primal needs, but you'd be too pent up to rent them. Perhaps we can have them sent in a plain brown wrapper.

For the rest of us, I suggest the diversion of watching a moose pull a rabbit out of a hat.

-TRM

Return to Gumbology

Dear Readers,

I'd like to add another chapter to the Gumby family legacy. Tonight instead of bringing you fetish-related material featuring huge fake boobs, a giant rapping, or a midget fucking (did I really have to connect the dots here?) -- I'd like to cut the tension a bit by bringing you Spamby. The cute hunk of meat that also substitutes as a slimy toy. No word on who its parents are.

-TRM

After Further Review -- No Stigmata

Dear Readers,

Carlin, in a dream, told me to come out of retirement again, and let you know that there is no fucking afterlife. The man was a modern day Jesus, and most of you wanted to censor him. So I dedicate this blog to the man who brought the oxymoron military intelligence to our attention and that he wouldn't fuck Dan Quayle's wife with a stolen dick (I'll let the hippy dippy weatherman slide). May he forever remind us of how fucked up we all are.

Sincerely,

TRM - on hour number seven of a thirteen hour HBO Carlin marathon -- I can't wait to see how it turns out!

The Apocalypse is Coming! The Apocalypse is Coming!

I know what you're thinking....what could possibly inspire the good Doctor to write such a headline? What could be happening that would make one think that the headline is true?

No, Z's Buffalo teams have not won a championship.
No, R-Load hasn't written an interesting blog.
No, Red Man has done nothing to distance himself from his George Costanza persona.

Verne Troyer, also known as "Mini Me" in the three 'Austin Powers' movies has released a sex tape.

I have a feeling that the three guys mentioned above might be pooling their paychecks this weekend to buy a copy, and perhaps if they're nice enough, they'll burn a DVD for the Doc and ship it to L.A.

Since you might not believe that this is truly happening, here's a sampling.

Watch at your own risk!

Kobe, Tell Me How My Ass Tastes

Excuse me while I whip this out.

For those of you who don't follow sports (like R-Load, who enjoys sitting around watching silent films with his fingers tickling his ass), here is a rap that was released this week that you might find half as interesting as the Red Man's "poignant" comments on this blog.

Since a couple of the contributors to this blog live in Boston, and another lives in L.A., we're aware that the Celtics beat the Lakers to win their seventeenth NBA championship. Kobe Bryant, the league's MVP, didn't have a great series for the Lakers who were making their first trip to the finals since 2004.

Meanwhile, back in 2006 Shaquille O'Neal and the Miami Heat won the NBA title. Shaq has four rings, Kobe has three (all won while playing with Shaq on the Lakers).

Since their acrimonious departure, Shaq has won one NBA title, Kobe has zero. So Shaq felt the urge to hop up on a stage somewhere and freestyle rap about that. He claims to have done this in jest, but considering how the two guys didn't like one another all that much when they were teammates, it's hard to believe him. Put it this way, it would be like Leo and Ron Gallagher making peace and hitting the road together.

Have a listen.

Top 10 Reasons that I Have not Blogged Lately

10) I had a hangnail.
9) RLo is mean.
8) I see red when I see you.
7) Vertigo (the condition, not the movie).
6) Busy season at work.
5) Kucinich dropped out.
4) My IPod broke.
3) The dog ate my homework.
2) My favorite blogging shirt got ruined in the flood.
1) I was actually having sex with a live woman.

Reasons I'm back.

10) Cuticle scissors
9) RLo is mean.
8) It's 5 passed 2.
7) Vertigo (the movie, not the condition)
6) I hate my job.
5) Kucinich filed 38 articles of impeachment against Bush.
4) ITouch baby!
3) Coyotes in my yard.
2) Going el fresco!
1) Forced to go back online, yet again...poker anyone?

Don't piss me off.
Z

A Cottage on Dartmoor

A Cottage on Dartmoor (2007 DVD)
Directed by Anthony Asquith
UK, 1929
Silent with English intertitles

Although it's probably only a matter of time before fun nazi/jingoistic xenophobe Dr. Demented starts his usual bitching and moaning about never even having heard of this movie before (apparently the good Doktor limits his "film research" to waiting for recommendations from The View and/or pining for his idol Rex Reed), the more cinematically adventurous among you are invited to read on for a few words in praise of this early British thriller. While deemed "Hitchcockian" by more than a couple of online pogues, A Cottage on Dartmoor actually seems to have its own take on the manhunt-for-an-escaped-convict-on-the-lam genre that Sir Alfred almost singlehandedly made famous among the fish-and-chips eating peoples of the world. The story is told in flashback after barber Joe (Uno Henning) falls in love with but is then dissed by his lovely coworker Sally (Norah Baring, a cutie), leading to an unfortunate "accident" involving Sally's new fiancé (Hans Adalbert Schlettow) and a straight razor (played by itself) that's held to his throat a tad too closely. Asquith's visual style (featuring paired shots dissolving into each other and juxtapositions of barbershop chatter about sports with location shots taken at different sporting events) and sense of mischievousness (Joe's silent movie path down the slippery slope of terminal stalkerdom begins when Sally goes on a date to a "talkie" filled with Embassy Cinema-like bluehairs and a bigtime snorer like Z in attendance) keep you guessing where things will lead next, a nice surprise considering how many 21st century tales of jealousy and revenge have their outcomes given away in the course of the fucking trailer. Nice. (http://www.kino.com/)